My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because diamonds are a girl's best
friend, and it is my belief that
your boyfriend should always be
your best friend.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because diamonds don't get AIDS.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because diamonds don't say, 'I'm
sorry.  I think I might be gay.
And I think it would be unfair
to both of us to stay in
this relationship.'

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because I fucking said so.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because that makes him clear with
rainbow sparkles, which is obviously
my favorite color.  Not 'green' like
an emerald, or 'blue' like a sapphire,
because he is a fucking Diamond.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because diamonds don't get wrinkles
or saggy balls.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
and his thoughts are white envelopes.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
so when he proposes to me, he
doesn't have to bribe me with a
ring.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because I don't eat sugar or glass.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because women live on average 4-7
years longer than men, and I don't
want him crapping out on me and
leaving me alone in the last, most
miserable, wrinkly years of my life.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because diamonds are forever and
when a guy says "forever" it means
'at least as long as I can stand only
having sex with you until I get bored
and get stoned and watch 'Mr. Roger's
Neighborhood' with your best friend
since high school and find myself
excited by something so new and we
end up fucking in my basement.'

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because when you punch him in the
face he can't show bruises to
the cops.

My boyfriend is made of diamonds
because he should always be
stronger than me.